The month leading to my departure was an emotional one. There were many times I found myself sitting in my house sobbing to my mother. There is no one word to describe the joy and excitement I felt that I was going to Spain. But, with the power of saying yes to this one dream, I felt the burden of insecurity that I might be saying no to other dreams. My mother reassured me that I did not have to go if I didn’t want to. I knew though… there was no other option for me. I had to go.
I knew there were some things I was going to miss out on by moving to Spain. One such example is Ben and Gracie’s wedding. I have followed their relationship since its beginnings. They are two of the most sincere, loving and God-fearing people I have ever met. When Ben finally popped the question, I think I was more excited than Gracie. Love won. When I learned I would be in Spain for the wedding, my heart broke. I literally cried. But, my love for God and His will in my life meant more, and I felt He wanted me in Spain. Ben and Gracie, if you are reading this, I love you and pray so much love and many blessings over your life together. We will celebrate when I return.
I could accept the fact that there were major life events in others’ lives that I was going to miss while in Spain. I don’t want to say it was easy, because that is a lie, but it was tolerable. What I could not accept, however, was the fact that:
I thought I was going to miss major life events in MY life while in Spain.
I still don’t know what God has planned for me or my time here in Spain. I can tell you, however, that my life has permanently been changed by having spent only a month here. It is very difficult to explain, but I am going to try.
I have always been called a wise old-soul ever since I was a little girl. I can remember the exact moment when that became true. It was like I was hit with this deep-seeded knowing and understanding about the world around me. I just “got it.” I have had that same experience since coming to Spain. I know I am a different person. The things I understood and thought are different now. If I get on a plane tonight and return home, I will not be the same person as I was when I left.
I don’t claim to know much of anything, but I do know that God is moving. Always. I cannot wait to see what He has next.